The Baptism

I took a writing course a few years ago, the professor a published poet. It took no time for her to move from prose to poetry and she encouraged all of us to test its economy. I chose to write about my youngest daughter's baptism. I already had a few false starts attempting to articulate the day through prose. The results were unremarkable, displaying my penchant for the cumbersome and excessive. So, I took some poetic license (ha ha - yes I know that was bad!!) and came up with the piece below.

The exercise helped me focus better on my subject, let me feel her impatience, and despite all that, the sheer beauty and elevation of the moment. Sacraments often laud pageantry, and while I absolutely relish such acestheticism, it is often at the expense of my reluctant little stars. But then there are moments of sheer transcendence, when I feel the full circle of life and think " I would never do it any other way."


The Baptism

Living Water, blessed oils
Splashing from sacred urns
A call to everlasting
Destiny for her soul.

Silken gown, graceful lacery
Flouncing, flitting in the air
Ribbons jostling 'round wet lips
Tasting luxury of rare linens.

Pious hand, resting forward
Gentle on her delicate brow
Lavishes gifts of Holy Spirit
Enduring love and eternal grace.

Jarring sideways, restless twist
She tries to move away
Anxious for the doorway now
Curiosity wins!

And then a light, a melting beam
Sacramental towing line
Brings her back, facing forward
He anoints her with the Sign.


At the risk of drawing your attention to my weaknesses [if they aren't already obvious!!], my prof's comments: "Succinct use of language. Perhaps play with some lines to tighten the rhythmic flow [i.e. she thought I was getting wordy at the end of the second stanza - actually the end of most stanzas, in my opinion]. Suggest reading it aloud to help you accomplish this. Another thing you might try is a series of haikus as your piece is so beautifully visual!! Your ending image is wonderful! Lovely!"

Did I ever improve on it? Naaah. But I did like the idea of rewriting it as series of haikus. Now there's a challenge in austerity! Who knows? You may see it again, version 2, in the not too distant future. Or perhaps I will try a net new piece for my next great circle of life moment - First Communion. Just the thought of it makes me cry! Oh well, if I can't handle the all the emotion, I'll just focus on the dress. See? Pageantry does have purpose!